9 years?! Has it really been that long since we were Seniors in High School!? I think about it quite often because next year it will have been 10 years since graduation and the sealing of our time capsule. This also means our 10 year high school reunion is on the horizon! It's a weird anxiety I have, trying to be "successful" before seeing our old classmates. Perhaps I'm just puffed up with pride, It's hard to know when you're looking from the inside out. In my optimistic mind I perceive it as a healthy and obtainable goal demanding personal growth and responsibility, yet to many it may seem like a prideful ambition tied to money. This has always seemed highly debatable to me.
Is it reasonable to claim that the determining factor whether a desire is good or bad is found in the underlying motive behind the desire? It seems that would certainly be sound thinking. I recognize that "Success" encompasses more than just finances, it's overcoming any variety of challenge. But I'm going to be referring to financial success for this example. If someone wants to be "successful" so they appear to somehow be better than others, I would say that's prideful in nature. However, if someone wants to be "successful" so they can become interdependent (sharing their abundance) to bless more lives than their own in the world, I would say that's very horable in nature. And then of course there are those who declare that any desire for increase in any aspect of life is unholy and disrespectful. (I believe those people are blessed with a pessimistically humble attitude, and I don't agree with them.) I guess my true fear isn't how WELL other classmates percieve me to be, but how prideful I will appear to be to my friends because of said "Success". Is that even a valid concern? ...? (Gotta end here, I've got to get off the bus. Literally not metephorically.)
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I do admit I have thought over the years about what kind of car I'd be showing up to our 10 year reunion in.
ReplyDeleteThis question of how other people perceive me has also crossed my mind more than a time or two. I think there is something to be said for avoiding products which are designed to make you "look successful," and that's their primary purpose. I think there is probably a similar sin in wanting to look "humble." If you want a comfortable car, get a comfortable car. What other people think about you is their problem.
I remember in Seminary, discussing the pride cycle, and pride in general. We had a glue-in with quotes from President Benson talking about how there's looking-up pride and looking-down pride. The looking-up pride is less talked about, but still a problem. It works in opposition to being satisfied with what you're given.
There's an appropriate way to be concerned about how other people perceive you, but I think to make decisions based on whether or not you think one thing or another will make people think ill of you is problematic. You can be snooty and broke. You can be generous and rich. What other people think of you is their own issue.
By the way, I know what I'll be driving to the reunion.
Betcha can't guess :)
Excellent feedback. To answer the last question first, I can't imagine a more awesome site than for you to drive up in the Gremlin! :)
ReplyDeleteI agree that striving to "appear" successful is a pride related mindset. It remminds me of what Steven Covey talks about as "Personality ethics", being sharp on the outside instead of the inside etc.. I also agree that allowing what other people think to steer your decisions demonstrates lack of ownership for one's life. I thought about this some more last night, it was easier to think through once I'd actually put my anxiety into words. I found that in situations where there are people I haven't met or haven't seen for many years I put my best foot forward only, and do the best I can not to share anything about the trials and challenges I have faced or am now facing. I think this appears healthy by my choice of words, but the motive behind it is really to appear MORE successful overall and increse their percieved trust and credibility toward me. However, oddly enough, when I'm around friends and family I tend to do the opposite, I share my challenges and difficulties and hide my successes so they will percieve me as an average person, decreasing my overall success to increase their trust and credibility toward me. Afterall, who in today's world actually listens to anyone that is full of exciting news, smiles, and has exciting things to share with you?
Anyway, it feels like a funny parodox to me. I think the best answer is to first-identify your values, second- define who you want to be and what kind of life you're going to live, then third- hold that close to your heart and march forward not letting anything push you off of that course. ...despite what others think.